Porcelain Dolls Need Rest Too .

Sweet
Pallor
Porcelain
doll,

The true quality of life has been escaping from your delicate body for years. Your youth so far behind you seems like old pictures kept in the photo album; but, I can still see it in you, grandma. And although I've only known you nineteen years, the youth in your smile reminds me you were my age too. You ran in the grass and played with dolls, perhaps made of porcelain. Delicate and fragile like you are now, did you ever see yourself in them? I see myself in you - though I'm not born from your fruits, I am just as much a part of you, as the rest of them.
For nineteen years I've seen you change into someone who has goods days and bad days. Days of vanilla ice cream and nail polish, and harder times when you forget who I am or where we are. I'm still watching you change now, in between hospitals and rehab centers. Now the good days seem to be if you wake up, and the worse days are like today. It's a terrible day to rest my Porcelain because the clouds have taken over the sky, and it's raining. Perhaps you should wait until the snow is gone and sun warms our cheeks again. Maybe you should hold on for another Christmas or best yet- another birthday. It's selfish to think we can keep you here for ourselves though, and I would never put that pressure on you to choose. I guess a child would rather keep a broken doll than to have no doll at all. But as special as you are Grandma, you deserve some real peace. You deserve to not have to be afraid and confused anymore. Every doll deserves some rest. And while your resting for the rest of our lives, we can remember the person who changed my mother's life, and helped make her become the person she is today. We can remember the best times we've ever had together. Kristen and I can never forget the countless number of Christmas pajamas you gave us on Christmas Eve "Just for Luck." I promise to remember every shade of nail polish I ever let you choose, and our afternoons of painting your nails and playing cards. What do you think you'll miss the most? Or maybe a better question is "What are you already missing?" When you close your eyes for the last time Grandma I hope you think about the best memories you have. I hope they are filled with Dad and Aunt Jeanie and Uncle Allen. I hope holidays float by, and celebrations do too. But secretly, and most importantly, I hope you think of me somewhere in there. When it's your turn to take your final breaths Grandma, don't fight. We all want you to stay, but it's better for you to go. Every doll deserves some rest, and every angel deserves to go home to heaven.